It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
