Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
