your thong is hanging out like whoa
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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