How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
