put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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