Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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