Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
