you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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