i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
