I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
