If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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