Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
