Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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