Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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