I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he laminated a picture of his dick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
