Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
