i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
