I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
