Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
