Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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