So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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