I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
