Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
