thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
