Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
