We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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