How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
