So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
