My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
