apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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