he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
ok first of all what the fuck
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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