The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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