It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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