Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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