sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
