Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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