did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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