On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
