My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
