College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
