so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
