I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
