I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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