It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
