Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
