i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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