i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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