I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
