Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
