I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
