Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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