somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
